I’ve just returned from caring for my ill and now grieving mother in Canada.

Too Tired to Even Tweet

When I arrived, M, my mum’s elderly partner of 30 years was in intensive care, and my mum was very slowly recovering from the same virus that put him in hospital. Both also suffered from life-limiting illnesses and were frail. Eventually, M passed away.

The emotional and physical demands put upon me to bring some order to the household chaos were huge. After handing over to my sister and returning to the UK, I have been reflecting on the lessons learnt from my experience.

1: Living Wills (Advance Decisions) Make Sense

My mum and M had discussed the end of their lives up to a point. They both had wills and paid a carer for about 15 hours a week, but little more had been arranged.

When I arrived, M had been on and off a ventilator, in a sedated or semi-conscious state for about three weeks. The nurses expressed hope for the sick old man, but it finally became clear he could not breath unassisted. Without a living will, the process of allowing him a peaceful death seemed drawn out and was agonising for my mother. Finally, M was able to indicate that he wanted his life to end. Two days later, the ventilator was removed, and he died.

My mum was so distressed by the four-week ordeal, that we contacted a notary and had a living will drawn up for her.

This is now on my ‘to do’ list.

2: It’s Good to Sort Out Your Personal Belongings and Paperwork

M’s belongings included many large boxes and a filing cabinet packed with old (and new) files, bridge notes, old family photos, passports and identity cards of previous generations, jewellery, souvenirs, keepsakes and memorabilia. There were hundreds of CDs, floppy disks and videos. There were 30 years of clothes, office supplies and paraphernalia, hundreds if not thousands) of business cards, newspaper clippings, photocopies, receipts, old tax returns, bank statements and share certificates. It seemed wrong that I, who hardly knew him, should be asked to rummage through his personal belongings, and try to decide which were cherished, important (such as payments due, bank accounts and assets) and which could be discarded or recycled.

Trying to sort out which bills needed to be paid, how to deal with an overdraft and other simple transactions were stressful because M knew his own system, but no one else did.

Sorting out belongings and paperwork is now on my ‘to do’ list for my husband, who is a bit of a hoarder himself.

3: Think About What Things Will Really Cost

Organising a home care schedule for my mum was very stressful, because although she and M knew they would want and need home care, they had never estimated the real costs involved. Funeral costs, which had not been discussed, were also surprisingly high.

These issues are very easy to avoid and although I don’t really want to put them on my ‘to do’ list, I will.

How to Put Your Affairs in Order

There is lots of advice online about how to do this, such as the Money Advice Service’s page Putting Your Affairs in Order, which describes five steps (you can click on each link for further information).

Step 1 – Make a will

Step 2 – Get your paperwork together

Step 3 – Let your executor know where your will is

Step 4 – Think about clearing your unsecured debts if you can

Step 5 – Get some help in place in case you need it

What If You Are a Business Owner?

According to Legal and General, a survey of over 500 firms highlighted that 95% of businesses had at least one key individual however the majority of them had no contingency plans in place to deal with the death or serious illness of that individual. Note: I believe this survey took place in 2012.

Without proper planning, families could be left out of pocket or surviving business owners could lose control of the business. Many businesses fold after the death of an owner.

What About Sole Traders?

If you are a sole trader then when you die, your business essentially dies too. Your business assets will become part of your estate, for which probate must be obtained. Your family members may not know how to deal with your business and, once your death is registered with your banks or building societies, your business accounts will be frozen pending probate being obtained. If you have any employees, how will they be paid? If your business has substantial debts, and business assets cannot cover the amount, then your family may be liable to pay off what’s left. There may also be unfinished contracts, suppliers to pay or customers to compensate. This would all come out of your estate too as you’re not a limited company.

All of this would be left to your estate and family to sort out.

ACTIONS YOU CAN TAKE

There is an interesting article by Smith Partnership Solicitors entitled, Will Your Death Mean the Death Of Your Business?, which ends with the following summary:

Those in business should:

• Ensure that the business affairs are in order

• Ensure that the business affairs are up to date with regard to Income Tax, VAT, Health & Safety and insurance, as well as the annual accounts and balance sheet.

• A will should be prepared which specifically appoints business executors who will be willing and able to deal with the business side of the estate, as distinct from general executors who will deal with all of the non-business elements of the inheritance.

• Make sure that life insurance is in place to cover business liabilities including loans and overdrafts which may be in existence from time to time and still in existence at the date of death. This is particularly important if the business is a partnership or a company with non-family shareholders and to help with cash flow where money is paid and to the beneficiaries of the deceased person of the business

• Check the Articles of Association and Shareholder’s Agreement (Company) or Partnership Agreement (Partnership). Where there is no Shareholder’s Agreement or Partnership Agreement in place or where the provisions are out of date or inadequate, these should be attended to, paying particular attention to the payment of capital share on death.

• Inform your business executor and/or family of any specific wishes which you might have with regard to the future of the business after death. A private letter left with the will is useful especially if there is a reluctance to talk about death and the business.

• Finally, take all the necessary advice during the running of the business to ensure that the death of the key player does not mean the death of the business.

A Final Note About Home Care

I have been studying the domiciliary care market, seeking business opportunities for silver startups. This is a complex market and my research is taking time, but I had to leave it behind when I was required to take on a caring role for my mum. There were so many aspects of care that I wasn’t prepared for, including:

• Giving continuous moral support when the situation seemed hopeless

• Giving spiritual support to a frightened elderly person

• Continuous juggling and heavy multi-tasking

• Keeping up my own morale, because of the feeling that my efforts were not good enough

What didn’t surprise me, however, was the joy I felt in being able to help my mum. I was honoured to care for her and I came to understand that the role of carer can be very rewarding.

I will return to the subject of care in the future.

Best wishes

Viv